Then they also expect you to be all dominant and I'm not a dom person either.”īut fantasy goes both ways. “ When guys say ‘daddy’ to me it normally means they’re somebody who wants a masculine person, and I’m not particularly masc. Similarly, James, 26, says someone being a daddy has more to do with “sexual dominance than age”.Ĭhris says calling him daddy is often a way that younger guys project their sexual fantasies on to him. Sam, 22, says daddies are men who can “physically and mentally dominate me and turn on my submissive side”. Yet the majority of daddy admirers that I spoke to do associate daddies with sexual dominance and penetration.
It’s that they could do all those things”. Peter thinks it’s more complicated than that: “Someone is daddy before they f*** you. There’s also debate about whether a daddy has to occupy the penetrative role in sex. To him, a daddy embodies “a soft toughness, a gentle roughness. Peter says he’s “seen 22-year-old daddies” but that the “vibe” is definitely easier to embody as a man gets older. “ Daddy is a look and a feeling,” says Peter*, 26, an admirer of daddies. For instance, not everyone thinks a daddy has to be mature in age. Similarly to concepts like “queer” and “camp”, daddy is much debated and its meanings and representations can be different depending on the person. He takes the lead outside the bedroom and (again, so the stereotype goes) is a top – the penetrative role – in the bedroom.īut it isn’t all about sex: LGBTQ+ publication The Advocate ’s list of 26 things to look for in a daddy emphasises “patience”, “caring” and “communication skills” as traits that are key to the daddy role. He is well groomed, toned, masculine and often successful. In its most stereotypical form, a daddy is an attractive older man who takes on a dominant yet paternal role in relationships with men who are often younger than him. The real winner of this episode of Rpdr #AllStars5 was our daddy Ricky Martin. But there’s no shortage famous gay men who are seen as daddies either, from Ricky Martin to Andy Cohen, Ivan Massow, Anderson Cooper and Tom Ford. And men who are described as daddies often aren’t: think Stanley Tucci, Henry Cavill and Harrison Ford. Some people outwardly identify as a daddy, often on hook-up apps or on alt social media accounts, and some people describe others that way.ĭaddies don’t have to be gay, per se. Other such categories include “otters” (slim hairy men), “bears” (bigger hairy men) and “twinks” (skinny, smooth men). Generally speaking, “daddy” is an archetype or category that gay men use to define themselves and/or each other. According to PornHub, “daddy” porn is now the fifth most-viewed gay porn category in the United States.Ī couple of years ago the New York Times boldly declared we were in the “age of the twink”, but move over fellas, because the era of the daddy has arrived. And there are even specific apps like DaddyHunt for “Daddies and guys that love Daddies”. It’s a “tribe” (category) on Grindr, the world’s most-used gay dating app. And on dating apps, social media and in clubs, there’s one word he gets called more than any other:Ĭhris is far from the only man this is happening to in “gay world”, from dating apps to Gay Twitter and “the group chat”, the use of “daddy” as a descriptor is everywhere. In 2016 and in his late thirties, Chris became single again after almost a decade in a monogamous relationship. And then it hits you: I’m the older guy.” “One of those moments is when you’re chatting to somebody and they say that they’re ‘really into older guys’.
“As a gay man, when you get older, there can be a few shocking moments,” says Chris, 40.